Gimme a . . . !

Somebody shoot me. Seriously. My friend Julie forwarded an item to me about a Texas woman’s quest to open a Cheerleading Hall of Fame. The worst part: She heard it on NPR!!! I’m not sure whether to giggle or yak.

Apparently, Cindy Villareal-Hughes, a former Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader (c’mon now—you KNOW that’s the top of the cheerleading pyramid) feels “the timing is ripe for a Hall of Fame.” Ripe. That’s what that smell is! Seriously, though, y’all, this could be, like, soooo cool and really give lots of girls and gayboys a role model. FIRE UP!!

So what exactly would be in a cheerleading hall of fame? I could probably list three or four cheerleaders from high school, but other than that I couldn’t name a cheerleader to save my life. I will have even forgotten Cindy by the time this is posted.

You know, when I was in high-school, the head cheerleader ended up marrying the basketball coach. Of course, the Valedictorian ended by marrying the assistant principal, too, so what does that tell you?
Maybe this Hall of Fame will have a display on that!

Seriously, though, what? “Herkies Through the Ages?” “Splits and Tumbles?” “Petty Bitchery?” Will there be sepia-toned photos of iconic Ivy League yell leaders with accompanying audio from little tinny speakers? We could hear George W. Bush misspell F-I-H-G-T! (although he obviously learned how to spell it at some point.)

According to Cindy (I can’t bring myself to call a cheerleader by her last name—sorry) potential locations are: the “Dallas area” (read: Farmers Branch); Orlando; Kentucky and Ohio. Way to narrow it down, there Cindy. You do realize that you’ve picked two cities and two states, right? Of course you do. You passed Geology.

Several other sites have been considered and rejected. Reasons for not making the short, vague list included: “Too fat”, “too ugly,” “not popular,” and “slut.”