Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Who Still Barks?

I was just watching a clip from the rehearsals for Neil Patrick Harris’ production of Rent, which goes up at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend only. It’s pretty much an all-star cast (“all-star” meaning “Dancing With the Stars” caliber) but they were knocking the vocals out the park.

The tune they were working on ended and the people present at the rehearsal applauded enthusiastically. And someone barked.

You know, the old Arsenio Hall Dawg Pound bark. The one that was originally accompanied by an odd circular motioned fist pump. And it made me wonder, who the fuck still barks?

I mean you always hear it, but who actually does it? What’s the bark demographic? In my mind it’s the Jon Gosselins and Michael Lohans of the world. The backward baseball cap and Ed Hardy wearers. Or maybe it’s just someone’s retarded cousin who gets to go to lots of events.

Seriously though, it’s the opposite of tough. It makes you look like such a pussy. Even if you’re a lesbian. It hasn’t been cool since White Zinfandel was on wine lists. It’s the Tequiza of enthusiasm.

And you know when I’m disparaging an alcoholic beverage of any sort, it’s serious.

So do me a favor. Save your barking for a full moon. At a campsite. With the guys. Over a cold Tequiza.