Chicks with Dixie

So, I finally had the opportunity to watch the Dixie Chicks documentary, “Shut Up and Sing.” I had every intention of paying good money to go see it in a theater, but for some odd reason, the Austin engagement was brief and poorly publicized. Having seen all the promotional hype during initial release, I actually had intended for my comments to be the very first post on AOTSP. But, here we are, months later. And with a whole lotta stupid under our belt.

The thing that struck me now, as it did during the actual brouhaha over Natalie Maines' (first amendment protected) comments, was how fucking ignorant her critics are. Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that people had every right to be upset with her comments (even though I agreed with them—and I’m a fifth generation Texan), but it was how they expressed it that truly flummoxed me.

The best example was the sort of dirty-hot redneck guy who was protesting at a concert. He was holding up the requisite poster board and magic marker sign these pious righty zealots create. Signs that any self-respecting homeless person would immediately dismiss as ineffectual and with NO emotional call to action.

Anyhoo, this guy says that if you like the Dixie Chicks then you are a communist.

That. Bugs. The. Shit. Out. Of. Me. But ya gotta love those Alabama public schools, right? Apparently they spend so much time harping on the second amendment that they forget the first? The FIRST, motherfucker, i.e. before second. And I know math is hard when you’re inbred, but what could be MORE American than the FIRST fucking amendment??!!?

And don’t even get me started on the whole “communist = devil” theory. I GUARANTEE you that not one in a hundred crackers could expound on Marxist theory. They just know that if you ain’t with us, you’re a COMMIE.

Hey Dumbass! Chew on this: What the Dixie Chicks did was the ultimate act of Freedom and the American Way. And that’s supported by the exact same document that guarantees you the right to keep and bear arms (while you ignore the rest of the statement about it being necessary for “a well-regulated militia,” not just because your truck came with a gun rack. And while I’m heading down this rabbit hole, just let me say that all you NRA motherfuckers who talk about prying your guns from “your cold, dead hands.” Cool. All for it. Who wants that as an action item?)

Ed.Note: I am a Life Member of the NRA. It was given to me on my tenth birthday by my John Birch-er pappy. And it’s like the Cosa Nostra. Once you’re in, you really can’t get out. I’ve tried. At least I’ve moved enough that their creepy magazine can’t find me anymore.

So back to the Chicks and hot redneck. He was joined by a fat ass white trash mama who was trying to make her toddler say “screw the Dixie Chicks.” I’m sure the little girl’s first words were “more fried chicken” or “meth lab.” Bless her heart. I’m sure she’s destined for a pair of EZ OFF Daisy Dukes and a series of back seat Big Red spills.

The scariest part though, is when these people don’t like something, their response is “kill ‘em!” And they have guns, so it’s not like they don’t have the means. And, in spite of their limited reasoning skills, these sheep fuckers have the loooooongest memory. They still call Jane Fonda “Hanoi Jane.”

I hope that doesn’t mean there’s going to be a Dixie Chicks aerobics video.