Pretty Ugly

Well, it wasn’t what I was planning on blogging about this morning, but DAY-UM! I open CNN.com and there it is, a clip of two ABSOLUTELY average looking gals, claiming they got kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight because they were “too pretty.”

Giggle. Snort. Giggle. Snort. Wipe tear from eye.

Now, I know that some feel Southwest is the airline of choice for peanuts and those who farm them, but honestly girls, “too pretty?” You might want to think about filing a claim against your mirror manufacturer.

I must laud the CNN camera operator, who took a long toe-to-head tilt of the dark-haired one with the near-unibrow and gigantic underground zit forming on her lower cheek. I appreciate that this camera operator managed to fit her entire ass into the frame, without pulling to a wide shot, which must have been a challenge. And lingering on her press-on nails, an absolutely stomach-turning shade of Pepto pink. Surely those came factory colored, right?

Oh, and honey, the off-the-shoulder flashdance sweatshirt look. SOOOOOO You.

Pretty? Maybe in a 50’s Italian B-Movie way. Although your tits seemed to be operating more like fraternal twins than identical ones.

The blonde one only appeared in stills, wearing a hoochie dress and leaning on the hood of a Bentley. I’m sure the owner was pleased to find her ass marks on his hood when he claimed it from valet. She remarked that the only thing she could think of (which limits the choices dramatically) was that they were treated the way they were because they looked the way they looked. “I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us.” So apparently, there were no hookers on board.

The girls do admit that some profanities were exchanged between the blonde and another passenger near the bathrooms. Southwest actually confirmed the story. God, how I wish the spokesperson had used that famous Southwest sense of humor. “Yep. It’s true. These girls were just TOO pretty to fly.”

You know, as an experienced traveler, I would like to give these girls a word of advice. NEVER fuck with the flight attendants! For however long you are in the air, they control all sorts of ways to make your flight better or worse. Maybe instead of rolling your eyes and exhaling like a horse every 5 seconds, you could have sweetened ‘em up.

Who knows, you might have even gotten extra peanuts.