Throw Your Steroids Away, Boys. There’s a New Game in Town.

So a Johns Hopkins researcher has announced a breakthrough in muscle building. In mice. And from the pictures, it sure looks like a success. There you have one normal, average cute little mouse. And one beside him who looks like he works as a bouncer at mouse titty bar. The fucker’s huge. Not longer or taller, but just massive shoulders and glutes.

That sound you hear is muscle queens from WeHo to Chelsea spitting out their egg white omelettes and clearing space in the cupboard for new supplements.

Apparently it has something to do with myostatin and follestatin (no word on whether these people live on Staten Island, har, har, har!) which of course, is greek to me. Science is hard and confusing. There are no pretty colors and lab lights make your skin look awful. But I digress.

So, while there are all kinds of terrific possibilities to cure things like muscular dystrophy and “wasting" in AIDS patients, who are we kidding? This development is aimed squarely at the millions of Americans who want a more muscular physique. We’re talking gym rats and gym bunnies, not lab mice.

Now if they could just discover how to do this with brain cells . . .