Thursday, August 23, 2007

Is Mother Nature Lactose Intolerant?

Okay, there were two things in the news today that just rubbed me the wrong way (Yes, there IS a wrong way). Two completely different stories about completely different things, but in both cases, the person anthropomorphized nature. This is an extremely common occurrence, as evidenced by the naming of our tropical storms and hurricanes, but I somehow feel like it contributes to a victim mentality, as if somehow nature has targeted us (which, if you think about it, is a pretty scary “payback” scenario, given the way we treat nature).

The first comment was the mildest, a Wisconsin official, commenting on the devastating flooding (and really, is there any other kind?) said “Mother Nature has been really cruel to our state the last four or five days.” Really? To YOUR state? Well maybe Mother Nature hates cheese. Or the Packers. Or people who sound like they’re from Canada.

It’s NATURE, dumbass. It rains too much, the banks overflow, it floods. Nothing new. They even talk about it in the Bible, remember. So, maybe it’s God being cruel to your state. Did you ever think about that? Maybe God hates cheese. Or maybe he just hates those cheese curd thingys you sell in your airports.

The second big ‘morph was from Bob Murphy, CEO of Murphy Energy. Not ringing a bell? He’s the owner of the coal mine in Utah that collapsed. Remember? There was a “seismic incident” which caused the tunnel to collapse on the miners, who are now presumed dead and buried? Interesting thing about that—there is no record of there being any seismic activity in the area when it collapsed.


Now Mr. Murphy (whose grief seems completely legitimate) has filed papers to close and seal the mine permanently.

And then he said . . . wait for it . . . “I will never come back to that evil mountain.” WTF?!?!?!?!

Yep. That thar mountain is EVIL! Collapsing on those poor innocent coal miners who were just in there risking their lives so that Mr. Murphy can afford his yacht payments. Yep. Evil, I say.

Of course, drilling a coal mine into a mountain comes with certain risks, not the least of which is having to listen to incessant canary singing, but to think that the mountain did this TO you, and out of malice at that . . .jeez. I just can’t even begin to say how stupid I think you are.

I'm surprised he hasn't tried to blame it on terrorists. After all, there was that whole “mountain and Mohammed” thing.

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