Isn't That a Gay Theme Park?

Must be hard to be a run-of-the-mill Christian these days, what with all the wacky evangelicals walking around like they own the joint. (And don’t you love that the very name they apply to themselves sounds like evil, angels and the jellicles from Cats all rolled into one.) Especially the Southern Baptists, who somehow, between endorsing slavery and condemning dancing, have managed to find a new target—Rudy Giuliani.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no Rudy lover. But I think he is the beneficiary of one of the worst tragedies ever to befall our country. I thought he led New York ably and presented a strong, yet tender face during the 9/11 crisis. And I don’t think that qualifies him to lead our country.

Apparently our Southern Baptist friends agree, but not for the same reason. See, Rudy is divorced. Twice. And he was boinking his current wife while he was still married to his previous one. (Which pretty much guarantees him Donald Trump’s support).

Richard Land (“Dick Land is YOUR land, Dick Land is MY land”), head of public policy for the SB’s, thinks Giuliani was mean to his ex-wife and children in the divorce proceedings. “I mean, this is divorce on steroids," Land said. "To publicly humiliate your wife in that way, and your children. That's rough. I think that's going to be an awfully hard sell, even if he weren't pro-choice and pro-gun control." Even if he weren’t pro-choice and pro-gun control?!?!? Doesn't either one of those automatically disqualify him from the ballot in Red States?

But see, Dick has to tap dance (insert dick tap dancing joke here). Because the Evil-angel-jellicle darling, John McCain, is ALSO divorced and remarried (which I’m pretty sure warrants a good stoning in Southern Baptist doctrine. And I love a good stoning.) But McCain’s a war hero, which apparently means some sort of free pass. “It's a molehill compared to Giuliani's mountain," Dick Land said. "When you're a war hero, you have less to prove on the character front."

What about when you’re just a hero in an act that leads to war? Doesn’t that count? Dick? Guess not.

In other words, being locked in a hell hole for a couple of years abrogates future sin? Maybe Rudy should let the SB’s know what it was like being married to Donna Hanover.