Eye of Newt, Heart of (gin)Grinch

Okay, so first off I have to confess that I am a die hard Bill Clinton fan. I know that’s not a universal sentiment among you, dear readers, but it’s true. He was to me what Reagan apparently (and bafflingly) continues to be for Red Staters.

I share Chris Rock’s sentiment, expressed in the midst of the Lewinsky scandal. I paraphrase, “Bill Clinton has the country in such good shape, we should ALL give him a blow job.” In fact, I think a certain current President could use one. Unfortunately the only thing Laura sucks on are Marlboros. Like a chimney. Oh, you didn’t know she was a chain smoker? Maybe that’s because the Republicans only show us the sides of themselves that reflect their shaky platform of family values.

Which leads me to the delightful revelations that Newt Gingrich had an affair going on at the same time he was excoriating Clinton. The article (all to brief, I might add), in a variety of online outlets today, is a study in how Republicans dodge these bullets.

When asked directly about it, his response was "The honest answer is yes. There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards." Which, of course, they know ALL about, since they’re God’s self-anointed hall monitors.

I’d guess Gingrich was also referring to his two messy divorces, the first from his HIGH SCHOOL GEOMETRY TEACHER (no it wasn’t Mary Kay LeTourneau). The second because he was having an affair with a congressional aide 20 years his junior.

Not that any of this comes a surprise, of course. The Moral Majority was about as legitimate as Compassionate Conservatism.

Which I guess is what Gingrich was practicing when he insisted on discussing divorce proceedings with his first wife while she lay in her hospital bed recovering from cancer surgery. Nice.

Of course, Gingrich doesn’t think he should be viewed as a hypocrite for persecuting Clinton. See, Clinton LIED. "I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

Hmmm. “perjury in your highest officials.” I’m reminded of the bumper sticker: Nobody Died When Clinton Lied.