Damn It, Janet!

I feel so sorry for the poor lady who had to rip her nipple rings out before she could fly. It must be hard living in Lubbock.

Maybe we should just blame it all on Janet Jackson. Apparently, ever since Janet’s hardware-bound nipple baring at the Super Bowl, even National Geographic has had to black-bar the titties in their photos.

“Wardrobe malfunction” MY ASS. “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song” I believe is the precise lyric to the Justin Timberlake song. And indeed he did.

But apparently it was all Janet’s fault? Have you ever noticed how NO ONE ever brings up the fact that Justin ripped her (velcro’d) breastplate off in the first place? Janet just magically exposed herself.

Yeah, there’s no deep-seated psychology there.

But, of course, the real kicker is that ANYONE is shocked by the sight of a nipple. Even one with a giant 80’s sun ring sculpture surrounding it. I expected the camera to pan the audience and find it filled with people in Puritan clothing, like a Thanksgiving pageant.

But record obscenity fines, flat album sales and a few years have sufficiently cleansed the collective conscience.

And by the way, Mr. Lubbock TSA Agent, just because YOU don’t want to have your nipple pierced doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it. It just means it’s not for you. Which, living in Lubbock, probably also includes 99% of all things I consider fun.