Crikey!

Came across this item today. “A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak ‘Australian’.”

Pause.

Not sure which part of this I want to go after first.

Okay, let’s jump on the ‘wombat rape.” I keep having visions of the wombat bending this guy over a coffee table, pounding away, saying things (in Wombat, of course) like, “Speak Australian! Speak Australian!” or “Who’s your marsupial?” or “Take it like a ‘Roo, Kiwi Boy!” or “You like my shrimp on your barbie, don’tcha?!”

You know, the usual sex talk.

And then I wonder what exactly it would sound like when a Kiwi started speaking “Australian.” Now I know that there is a difference in the accent, having hung with many a Kiwi and Aussie. But HONESTLY, it’s not that pronounced a difference. And thanks to the nice American Ad people (and Crocodile Dundee) who “translated” a bunch of Australian slang for us unsuspecting ‘Merkins to promote Foster’s Beer (the Old Milwaukee of Australia) and Aussie tourism, we all know what a “Sheila,” “Barbie,” and a “bloomin’ onion” are.

But I would be hard pressed to understand the difference if this man started speaking “Australian” instead of “kiwi.”

According to the article “Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in (the man's) life.”

Ya think?