The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Couldn't Handle the Humidity.

Okay, so you have to check out CNN.com today. There is another one of those “Harry Potter Casts a Spell on Georgia Kids” lawsuits.

Apparently, this woman, Laura Mallory, “a mother with children” (as opposed to . . .?!?!) sued the school to get Potter the hell out of Georgia. She believes that Jo Rowling’s work promotes violence and witchraft. Curiously, the lawsuit mentioned nothing about high school football.

Now first of all, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN woman? The rest of the world is anxiously awaiting the release of the FINAL* book in the series. Daniel Radcliffe is now a young adult, removing his clothes nightly on stage in London’s West End. (The Devil Made Him Do It!), and the 5th film is about to be released. I think you missed the Hogwarts Express on this one.

Then, of course, there’s the whole idea of “witchcraft and wizardry” as anything other than FICTION. Listen, I’ve known a few “white witches” in my day (who else is going to smudge your house?). News flash: it’s just a code for “groovy-woovy lesbian.” They won’t hurt you.

Point #2: Given the time lapse between the release of HP and the Sorcerer’s Stone, has there been a rash of 11 year olds casting spells and mixing potions? If so, clue me in, because I have a 9 year old who would give his left (as yet undescended) nut for a chance to go to Hogwarts.

Point #3: Lady, these are some of the most affirming, sweetest, most magical (in a Disney way—don’t get your panties in a wad!) stories I’ve ever read. Did you bother to READ the ---oh, what am I saying. She’s from BFE Georgia. Of course she didn’t read it. It’s on what, a third grade level?

So she sued. Ahh, Litigation! The Great American Pastime for stupid people. It gets better. She represented herself in the case (either she was overcome with hubris or the local attorneys don’t take canned goods or live chickens in payment). And upon hearing the ruling, she had this to say, “"I didn't do a good enough legal job because I didn't hire a lawyer."

What’s the old saying about “fool for a client?”


*(#7 is nearly finished. One of the rumored titles is Harry Potter and the Toenail of Ickilbogg—that makes me giggle. But I have it on excellent authority, i.e. The Leaky Cauldron website, that the name will not involve toenails)