Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I'm Stupid. And I Vote.

Republicans LOVE stupid people. It’s no secret that the red states hover near the bottom of almost every educational scale yet devised. And we all know that stupid people react to fear-based messaging (LOOK, a witch—somebody burn her! Not a CROSS, dumb-ass, a WITCH! Burn the WITCH!) Oops. Tangent. Sorry.

No, the Republicans love the stupidos because they can manipulate them by threatening their lifestyle. (And what a lifestyle: home schooling in a trailer, with an open box of stale store-brand Wheat-eez on the kitchen table, a pack of Salem’s on the counter next to a rebel-flag-motif lighter, a tube of mullet styling gel on the bathroom sink, next to the unopened birth control pills—you get the picture).

So the Republicans use fear to drive these poor folks to the polls. They say that guns are good, ‘cuz ya gotta hunt and fish. And protect yourself in the need of a militia. They say that welfare recipients are eating your children’s food. And the gays getting married are going to threaten the very existence of your loving, stable homelife.

AND IT WORKS!!! All across the nation a mass of people best described as a dentist’s wet dream are VOTING. It’s their right. And I’m glad they do. I just wish the smart people did.


Meanwhile, in a beautiful show of sleight-of-hand, the Republicans are drawing more African Americans and Hispanics and Gays than ever before. How? By simply saying, “Hmm, the Democrats. Now weren’t they the ones who promised they’d look out for you? Bang up job their doing, eh?”

Indeed.

1 comment:

hokgardner said...

Now, O'Pine, I love you dearly, but I think you're demonizing the right just as much as they do the left. I know several Republicans, and not one of them has a mullet or lives in a trailer park. Some of them even have gay friends.