Monday, December 11, 2006

I'm The Father of Mary Cheney's Baby

Okay? There it's said. Now will the stupid fuckers at Focus on the Family please SHUT THE HELL UP?

I'm sure there was no way anyone could miss news of the blessed event last week. The lovely Mary Cheney has gone and got herself knocked up. THAT I have no quarrel with. Congrats, Mary and Heather! It's about time you two stopped "practicing" and hit one out of the park!

No, my quarrel begins with the "liberal" media (and by "liberal", I mean "lap dogs of the right") using the scary rantings of a fringe organization as their balance to the story (this WILL be the subject of a later post, believe you me.) They actually quoted a spokesWOMAN from FOF saying that it was a disgrace blah, blah. That's totally to-be-expected rhetoric

And why I let the FOF get under my skin is beyond me, but here we go:

"Carrie Gordon Earll, a policy analyst for the conservative Christian ministry Focus on the Family, expressed empathy for the Cheney family but depicted the pregnancy as unwise. (I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER, GIVEN THE SEASON, IF PERHAPS THE THREE UNWISE MEN WILL PAY MARY A VISIT)

"Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea," Earll said.

"Love can't replace a mother and a father."

WHA?!?!?! Not even close to being a biblical scholar here, but isn't it buried in the scripture somewhere, something along the lines of "above all else, love?"

I think the FOF is really stupid ALL the time, but I especially love it when stupid people trip themselves up on their own platform!

So, in an effort to SHUT Ms. Earll's pie hole (I hope it pisses her off that I used Ms.) I am ready to announce publicly that I am the father of Mary Cheney's child. Even though I've never met her. And I'm pret-ty darn certain my seed hasn't been spilled anywhere near Virginia this year. (No, Virginia is not a euphemism, but still true even if it were) .

So now there's a mother AND a father. Although I'm pretty sure either Mary Cheney or Heather Poe are waaaay more butch than I could ever be. God I hope they don't ask for Child Support.

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