Monday, June 2, 2008

The Vehicular Equivalent of a Mullet

My Sweet Mama had to have a little reparative surgery on Friday. The hospital was about an hour north of my burg, but I dutifully burned my $4.09.9/gallon and went to "sit," as we say in Texas. The drive and surgery were uneventful.

The pain meds made my mom say loopy things, which kept us in stitches. The really cool thing was that she realized she was being loopy, but loved the fact that it was cracking us up, so she didn’t bother trying to override the high.

In my experience, I’ve found that’s for the best.

So I get back on the crazy, crowded highway that connects the two cities, (along with Mexico and Canada) and begin fighting Friday afternoon traffic. Even though it was only an hour or so, I had to leave God’s Country and get back to Sanityville. And there ain’t no God’s Country like Texas’ God’s Country. Because it’s basically a bunch of stupid people who know they believe absolutely, but probably couldn’t tell you exactly what the teachings were that they believe.

Anyhoo, I’m cruising south when I see a limousine coming up fast on my right. It’s one of the gigantic SUV monstrosities, built on some sort of pickup truck platform, but stretched about 3 times.

Imagine my surprise, when I realized that this wasn’t a stretch SUV, but an actual stretch pickup. It was a pickup limousine. And the cherry? There was a camper top on the bed.

Rich rancher? Country titty dancer who won big in a scratch-off game? Or maybe just a single FLDS family vehicle.

Whoever it was must have had some serious income. I mean, how much of that $4.09.9 do you think that monster was burning through?

1 comment:

hokgardner said...

One day, while driving on MoPac, I saw a young kid driving the Hummer his daddy bought him, pulled off on the side of the grass, emptying a gas can into the tank. He'd run out of gas on the side of the road while driving his behemouth. I laughed so hard I nearly wrecked the car. And this was before gas was $4.00 a gallon.