Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Report from the Deep South

Don’t know why they call it the “deep” south. Seems like the shallow end of the gene pool to me. I’m in Atlanta working right now and boy, is this place surreal. It’s like a clone of Dallas, but everyone here sounds like they have brain damage. Or they’re in a pageant. Six of one . . .

I thought Texas accents sounded hick, but this is ridiculous. Although it’s not as ridiculous as Kyra Sedgwick’s cartoon accent in The Closer. I watched an episode of that last night in my hotel room. Can someone please explain to me why this show is a darling of the critics? It was badly acted, badly written and horribly shot. The hair and makeup and wardrobe were all terrible. I’m betting the craft service table is all day old pastries and store brand sodas.

And speaking of sodas, everything is sweet here. No wonder this is where Coke is headquartered. My first meal on Sunday consisted of fried chicken (which had some sugar component in the batter), macaroni and cheese (which had some sugar component in it) and sweet tea. Maybe that’s why everyone has that sugary sweet demeanor.

I have to confess that it’s not as humid as I was expecting. Apparently they’re in the midst of a two-year drought, which has even sucked the moisture from the air.

We’re not talking desert conditions, but at least you don’t feel like someone clamped a wet washcloth over your face when you walk out the front door.

Then there’s the ubiquitous Peachtree street names. Seriously, there is every permutation. Street. Road. West. Circle. The list goes on and WAY on. . . .and this is my other brother Daryl.

But I have to hand it to ‘em for one thing. The toniest part of town is called Buckhead. So named because there used to be a tavern in this area that had a stuffed buck head above the door. On the outside. And it became a geographical reference.

Hey, it beats Peachtree.


knittergran said...

You need to get out of hotels and offices and drive around some. There's plenty more stupid here. Almost everyone drives SUVs, usually with the addition of Jesus fish, or the "Atlanta Belongs to Jesus" bumper stickers, or my least favorite, "Everyone knows God is a Republican." That one prompted me to join the Flying Spaghetti Monster gang.
At any rate, enjoy your stay!
And as much as we need rain, I hope it doesn't rain while you are here-it is said by some that the average IQ goes down by 20 points or so while the average driving speed goes up by 20 mph.

knittergran said...

Oh, and I forgot---according to the EPA (who knew they cared?) we have really crummy air quality, too many code orange and code red days.

hokgardner said...

When knittergran and runner dude first moved to atlanta and dragged me along, there was an ad on the radio that said "You live in a town where there are 78 streets with the word Peachtree in them, and you still find your way home at night." I forget what the ad was for, but the Peachtree part still rings true.

And I lurv sweet tea, or as one place put it, "Sweat tea."