Stupid Political Tricks

I have spent plenty of time in the trenches of political campaigns. I have run campaigns. I have counseled candidates. I have written speeches. I have even served on the staff of someone I worked to elect. Why? Because I always maintained a degree of idealism, a naïve notion, perhaps, that one individual—the right individual, could effect change and actually make a difference.

The Bush League, in a woefully ironic twist, actually proved my conjecture. They also proved that it’s much easier to be an evildoer than to be an agent of positive change.

And I think this is because most Americans are stupid. As a rule. Not as an exception.

We’re arrogant. We’re quick to stick to our often woefully underinformed opinions and beliefs. And we adhere to this imperialistic notion that we know better about everyone else’s business than they do themselves. (OMG, am I turning into a Libertarian?!?! I hope not. I truly don’t understand the dewey decimal system. Wakka wakka.)

Given that it’s a presidential election year, the US political equivalent of a Roman orgy, I knew we were going to see some bullshit. I knew most of it would come from the R camp. But there is a particular malady amongst the D’s that I knew would provide good fodder, while breaking my heart.

See for most people in the political world, it’s a game. A grown up version of Risk or Stratego. It’s why James Carville and Mary Matalin can actually get horny for each other. They don’t really care about which side of the issue is right or wrong. They just want to outsmart the other. And in so doing, they often resort to the dumbest things.

Texas Republicans are the motherload of dumbfuck. I’m sure no one missed the recent state convention where buttons were on sale that said “If Obama is President will we still call it the White House?” Forget the clumsy racism. This was at a STATE political convention. What should the be brightest, most engaged political people, gathered to debate the important issues of the day.

But instead they make buttons that come with a side of snickering and sophomoric elbows to the ribs. Of course, if you really, really want a scary read, go online and find the Texas Republican Party platform. It will send big, scary chills down your spine. You’ll be double-checking that you’re reading a document from 2008 and not something that begins with “Ye Shall.”

And I so wish that it were only the R’s. Washington State Democrats, in an attack ad on Gubernatorial candidate Dino Rossi, used the theme from the Sopranos. When they got called on it, they replied that they hadn’t meant to imply Mr. Rossi was linked to the Mafia. "It's a catchy song, which we thought jibed stylistically with our communication," said their mouthpiece. Motherfucker, please. What, you just wanted to remind voters that he was Italian? His name is DINO ROSSI!!!!! I’m pretty sure that anyone who’s ever eaten spaghetti figured that one out.

Just yesterday, my mom said we should “throw ‘em all out and start over.” She was talking about the politicians. I’m thinking maybe we just get rid of the politicos.