It should come as no surprise to anyone that I hate meetings. HATE them. It’s one of the reasons I blog. Bloggers don’t have meetings. We have cocktails.
I think meetings are, as a rule, a colossal waste of time and rarely move the ball forward. Sometimes, however, they are a necessity. I get that.
But yesterday, I had a brand new experience. Something I’d never seen before. Except in “Being There.”
I’m pretty sure I had a meeting with the modern day equivalent of Chauncey Gardiner.
He had the voice of preacher. Not the hell-fire-and-brimstone type, but the kind who spoke in a quiet hush, forcing you to lean in and pay attention. And he began each statement with, “I’m new here.” Or, “Well, this is my first meeting.” It reminded me of the old “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” sketch on SNL. Except it wasn’t funny.
That was followed by HR nightmare references to “the girls” in the office being the ones who handled “the charity work.” And rambling rebuttals to others’ comments that completely missed the (really obvious) points. In short, you would think this guy was a rube. A complete dumbass simpleton sexist git.
OH, I almost forgot.
He . . . was . . . the . . .sloooooooowest . . .talker . . . ever. So, in addition to having to listen to his inane ramblings, you had to sit through the molasses pour.
But, then you look at his business card. And it might as well have had “POWER” embossed on it. This lame motherfucker is a major CEO. WTF?!?!?
People, I tell you, my jaw dropped so hard I couldn’t even roll my eyes. But I sat there. For two-and-a-half hours. And wondered if there is such a thing as “functionally comatose?”
Then I brightened. At least I knew what I’d be blogging about on Friday.