Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Mitt Romney is STREET, Yo!

I know this is old news, but I’ve been dying to write about it. Apparently, Mitt Romney, of the sacred underwear and failed presidential bid, wants you to know that he’s not afraid to get jiggy. Or down. Or hood. Or crunk. Or whatever word you think he should use to make him seem more urban. Or relevant.

It seems that a rapper type in the seat in front of him refused to put his seat in the full, upright and locked position prior to take-off. Being the fine, upstanding Republican (who probably prefers his seat back to be in the full, upright and locked position throughout the flight in order to keep the stick up his ass) conservative that he is, Mitt felt that he should step in and rectify the situation. By placing his hand on the young man’s shoulder.

But apparently, he picked the wrong muthafuckin’ attention whore publicity hound to go off on. You see, this wasn’t just ANY wannabe, this was Berry Motherfuckin’ Gordy’s nephew. That’s right. NEPHEW. Which makes him Rockwell’s cousin, if that’s of any interest to you guys. You remember Rockwell . . . he was the one-hit wonder who got his one hit by singing the verse no one remembers around Michael Jackson’s uncredited (but completely unmistakeable) chorus. “I always feel like . . . somebody’s watching meeeeeee.” And cue the money with the googly eyes.

Of course the entire altercation was about as white bread as you can possibly get. And honestly, it just gave the rich nephew even less street cred than he already had (which is apparently putting him into the negative).

Police were called, of course. Romney did his best Ward Cleaver impression, while the most likely overeducated rapper, after reciting the ubiquitous, “Get off me man!!, pulled the officers aside and explained his relevance and dire need for publicity of this kind.

Oh, BTW--his name is Sky Blu, which is only sliiiiightly more street than his real name, Skyler Gordy. Bwahhahahahahaha. Sorry. And his group? LMFAO. No, that’s the name of the group. Yes, that’s what I’m doing, but that’s really the name of his group.

Apparently, all was forgiven. Romney managed to get his “garments” out of his crack and no one has heard from Gordy since. And I’m sure it will stay that way.

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