Thursday, September 11, 2008

Keep Your Hands Where I Can See 'Em

I think Dan Savage should be president. His column today in the Village Voice takes on the pregnancy of Bristol Palin and the hypocrisy of her mother’s positions.

Dan says, “When it comes to respecting your family's privacy, Palin and the GOP see no need. They want to micro-manage the most intimate aspects of your private life. And if their own kids fail to live up to the standards that Palin and the GOP seek to impose on your family, well, that's a private matter between the Palins, their daughter, their God, and the thousands of screaming imbeciles in elephant hats waving McCain/Palin signs on the floor of the Republican National Convention.”

My friend (and occasional commenter) ThirdCoastToLeftCoast is visiting and we were talking about this very thing yesterday. “If the Republicans are so big on keeping government intrusion to a minimum, then why don’t they start by getting their hands of my uterus.”

I personally think ALL women should picket Republican campaign stops, carrying signs that say, “keep your hands off my hoo-ha.” The R’s LOVE euphemism.

And even though I don’t have a uterus (and never will, unless Vuitton comes out with a cute monogrammed version) I completely agree. But as is so often the case with these ridiculous Republican notions, where is the outrage people?

Why isn’t the press EXCORIATING McCain and Palin right now. All you have to do is ask yourself, “how would I cover Hillary?” And when you realize that you were NEVER afraid to whip out the elephant gun on Senator Clinton, take a look in the mirror. Why won’t you pull the trigger on Palin? Is it because you’re having adolescent sexy librarian thoughts about Governor Hockey Mom? Are you waiting for her to slide off her glasses, shake her hair loose and look at you with a sexy pout and call you a naughty boy?

Save it for after the election. Her boobs will still be there, front and center. Only she’ll be back in Alaska. And you know what cold air does to nipples, right? Huh? Now you’re feeling me.

So, see, your adolescent fantasies are much more likely to be realized if you help the public put Palin back in Alaska, where she belongs. Just in time for snowmobile racing season. And hockey games.


hokgardner said...

I have gotten to the point where I can't bear to read any more about her. It just keeps getting worse, and no one is calling her on it. I don't even want to watch Charlie Gibson's interview tonight because I'm sure it will be full of softball questions.

JayDee of SoCal said...

Palin's coming to Newport Beach next week. I'm thinking of showing up to protest with a sign that says "Keep Your Hands Off My Hoo-Ha." (is that how you spell it?). There's also "Va-jay-jay."