Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Crackers in Water

Frank and Deeann Sherman must be ISLANDERS!! Except they live right on the coast. With no barrier between them and the water. Probably a lovely existence.

When there isn’t a gigantic hurricane aimed at your front door.

Fortunately, the Shermans have an attic. And rather than hopping in the car and heading north, they decided to ride Ike out. (Who knows, maybe that’s been Deeann’s fantasy since the 50’s).

Now, for the play-by-play, let’s go to Deeann.

"The ocean rose up like a big hand and went through the house," said Deeann Sherman, 59. "We were in the attic 24 hours, holding on and praying. It was such a mean storm. It was the longest storm I've seen in my life."

Holding on and praying. I see. Maybe “packing up and leaving” would have been a better combo. But we’ll get to that.

Now that there’s nothing left of their belongings but some old waterlogged Elvis cassettes and a ceramic poodle lamp with oversized lips, the Shermans have decided to leave their little piece of paradise and move to the Dallas area to be closer to their kids.

"There's a passage in the Bible that says woe be to those who live on the coast," she says. "I'm going to heed that warning. … I'm leaving."

Okay Miss Vacation Bible School 1956, thank you for the delicious helping of irony. Too bad you didn’t read your bible BEFORE the “big hand” smacked your stupid ass. You know, when all of those nice folk were telling you to GET THE FUCK OUT. Maybe then you would have seen a passage about how much God wishes you had some fucking sense. Although I doubt God used that exact language.

If I were your kids, I’d leave “the Dallas area” before you got there. With no forwarding address. Stupid-ness is NOT next to Godliness. No matter how many times you practice saying it in the mirror.

4 comments:

thirdcoast2leftcoast said...

and what, pray tell, does the good book have to say about Tornado Alley?

Anonymous said...

Stupid knows no culture. On the front page of Monday's New York Times is a photograph. The caption reads "with water and power out, residents waited Sunday to be taken off Galveston Island, where the damage was severe.
Clutched lovingly in the arms of the bedraggled refugee is what can only be assumed to be of significant importance in whatever shelter the unfortunate soul is repairing to...
his Tupac boxed set!

Anonymous said...

you are heartless idiots

Anonymous said...

You sound like another mindless American. Hopefully you're not from Texas... you'd be embarrassing the rest of us with your nonsense, kind of like Bush. Your gay blogging is of no entertainment and only adds to the stupidity you claim is running rampant in the world. Sometimes I wish a meteor hits the earth and takes us all out. Selfish, but it gives me satisfaction to know that pansies like you have absolutely nowhere to escape to blog about it... pussy.