Must Be Lonely On the Mountaintop

I think Shakespeare had it right. In Hamlet, the Queen says “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

In the gay world, we’ve always used this quote to describe men who pronounce their heterosexuality—or denounce homosexuality--with a bit too much vigor. With this spring’s crop of moral conservatives meeting their hypocritical downfalls, it has made me start to think that this phrase applies to them, as well.

A conservative Congressman from New York gets busted for DUI on the way to visit his sick daughter. Awww. That’s sweet. Except that the sick daughter is the result of a years-long extramarital affair. And his wife and family knew nothing about it until the arrest. Oops.

“Family values. One man. One woman. Blahblahblah.”

Or the Dallas mega-church pastor who drove 200 miles to hook up with a 13-year old girl he met online. Turns out the whole thing was a police sting. Wah-wah!

He had even packed condoms. Too bad they won’t let him keep those in jail. Might keep him from becoming the NEXT pregnant man on Oprah.

“God’s word. Sin. Satan. Family values. Blahblahblah.”

Meanwhile, the same people who voted for one and flocked to the other have their panties in a ridiculously tight knot over the legalization of gay marriage in California.

I’m starting to think that maybe the religious right wingnuts should follow the example of the Puritans and set off to find a new home on distant shores. There, they could establish a strict, moral colony. They could trade beads with the natives and host communal meals of thanksgiving. Of course, we all know that eventually someone will wind up with a scarlet “A” on the back.

Some things just never change.