While I would love to think that the young woman missing from the Appalachian Trail might be found alive somewhere in the wilderness, I think we all already know her fate.
How, O’Pine? How can YOU know her fate?
Simple. Cherchez les Dents.
See, the last person she was seen alive with was described as having “no teeth.” Now, while I expect that is far more common in the Appalachian regions, it’s still pretty much a red flag.
Normal people have teeth. They may be store-bought, but at least they’re in there. Put “no teeth” and “wilderness trail” together? Might as well cue the banjo music. And it’s probably going to be a dirge.
Aside from the obvious parallel between “dentally challenged” and “mentally challenged” you just don’t see a whole lot of toothless people succeeding in the real world. (yes, Amy Winehouse—the toast of the music world--is missing a fairly prominent tooth. But then again, look where her personal life is at the moment.)
So, in the spirit of Johnnie Cochran, I offer this advice to wayward hikers coming upon a stranger. “If you see gums, then you must run.”