Friday, January 4, 2008

Farmers, Lock Up Your Daught--er, Goats!

In case you were wondering whose side to take in the previous comment wars about Florida (if you can call 4 comments a war. “Skirmish” is such a pussy word, though.)

So the headline in the Miami Herald reads:

Goat abuse sparks outcry

And the subhead is:

The case of a goat who was raped and killed has prompted a push for a bill that would outlaw bestiality in Florida.

I’m sorry, can you run that by me one more time?

Bestiality is LEGAL in Florida? WTF, Flo? Who do you think you are, East Texas?

Further shocking news—bestiality is actually legal in 20 states. But they didn’t say which ones. And I’m a blogger, not a researcher. Anyone? Anyone? I’m guessing at least one ends in “ama.” And another one probably ends in “ippi.” But I’m just guessing.

Now, I grew up in a rural area. And there was a lot of joking about sheep fucking. And I was pretty sure, even then, that it wasn’t all joking. We used to say things like, “are you my daaaaddy? But I never in my wildest dreams imagined that there was someplace in the civilized world where it hadn’t been outlawed. Okay, Thailand, maybe. But that’s just to generate tourist dollars.

Of course, it should come as no surprise that Floridians fuck animals. They sure fucked US in 2000.

The goat in question was named Meg and she was a family pet. Apparently of the Penthouse variety. And the really, really creepy thing was that, when she died—she was pregnant with twins. Now I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW what kind of twins those were. But I’m thinking I’m starting to understand Florida politics even more.

It would certainly explain Katherine Harris’ stubborn streak. And the fact that she always ate cans for lunch.

(ED. NOTE: The one sane person apparently made T-shirts that said, “Baaaa means NO!” How do I get my hands on one of those?)


thirdcoast2leftcoast said...

ouch Paulie - I just snorted my Vitamin Water through my nose with that post. Thank you for the break from Britney.

hokgardner said...

It's getting so that I don't want to admit I lived in Florida for 15 years. Sheesh

Anonymous said...

Daaaaaaaad !