Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Just When You Thought It Was Gonna Be Different . . .

One of my all-time favorite jokes is, “How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving.”

While not exactly germane to today’s topic, my two favorite candidates for President seem to have “lost their manners,” as my sweet mama would say (although that’s actually her euphemism for farting. But it kind of works here).

The AP lead their story on the Democratic debates with “Democratic presidential rivals Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama accused each other of repeatedly and deliberately distorting the truth for political gain Monday night . . .”

Nuh-UH! They did not! Seriously? Two politicians “deliberately distorting the truth for political gain” and making inflammatory accusations against their opponent? Why, that’s practically unheard of in these United States.

Of course, after they quoted some of the dialogue, I kind of wished I had watched. Apparently, it was as close to a bitch fight as these two are going to get. And poor John Edwards. He’d got his hair did all pretty-like and nobody was paying ANY attention to him.

At one point, he jumped in, “Are there three people in this debate, not two?”

Well, if you have to ask . . .

I found myself wandering off into the fantasy of a full-on throwdown between the TWO Senators (perhaps with Edwards standing naked, just outside the fray? Hey, I'm a homo. And he's a hottie. sort of.)

OBAMA: I’ve had just about enough of your mouth, woman!

CLINTON: You better BACK UP OFF ME! I will beat your ass with your own shoe, which I might add ain’t very big for tall man. You wouldn’t be first man whose ass I had broken a boot off up in.

OBAMA: Bitch, please! If you had ever learned how to give a blowjob, your husband wouldn’t have embarrassed himself in the cupboard with the fat chick. George Bush is our President because of YOU!

CLINTON: Oh, that’s some fine shit coming from the son of a Muslim! What kind of name is “obama” anyway? Sounds awfully familiar . . . hmmm . . . where could I have heard a name like that before?

OBAMA: Oh, yeah? What about “Rodham?” That’s some prime Arkansas shit right there. Sounds like a sound effect from Deliverance. Where’s your banjo, baby?

CLINTON (sniffling): I . . . am . . . from . . . Illinois. The land of Lincoln. And I have tried (sob) so . . . hard. So hard . . . to keep this civil. Why? Why are you so mean to me? I thought we were friends . . .

EDWARDS: That’s right. Tear each other UP! I’ll be the nominee for sho’! (Well, I had to give him at least one line. What do you think he is, superfluous decoration?)


Anonymous said...

uh, ok......

hokgardner said...

Thanks for the recap. I didn't watch the debate because I was too busy cleaning up baby barf and dealing with a screaming seven-year-old.