Sweet. But SOOOOOO Gay.

So, if you didn’t know by now, Tori Spelling has gone and gotten herself a reverend license. Before you laugh the snot out of your nose, it’s actually kind of cool. Tori and her husband own a bed and breakfast and Tori wants to make it a bit of a wedding destination. Since nobody would flock to get married by the hubby (whose name escapes me . . . and everybody else), it was decided that Tori would be the officiant in the family.

Her first ceremony? A gay couple. Tori writes in her blog:

"I will never forget that night and was so proud to witness first hand what I already knew… that Love is pure and true Love knows no gender. As I put Liam down to bed that evening I told him that he will one day find true love. A love that unites him as one with his soulmate. He will be raised knowing that true love is the ultimate and pure love know no age, gender, or race. I’ve found it, Tony and Dex have found it, and I wish love to all that seek it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you who to Love. Only our hearts can dictate that.”

Okay. I’m totally down with that. Love it (with a capital L, just like Tori). But as the guy who laughs at funerals AND weddings, I’m required by law to snark.

She also went into some detail about the ceremony. Excerpted here for your enjoyment.

“It was so beautiful as I united Tony and Dex as life partners in love. They wrote their own beautiful vows and there was so much love surrounding them that there wasnt a dry eye in the driveway!” (The DRIVEWAY? It’s an effin’ wedding Tori, can’t you be more romantic than that?!?!? And wouldn’t you like to get ahold of those vows! Probably cribbed some old Olivia Newton John. “I honestly love you, Dex!—Okay, on a complete side note, the best wedding vows ever were in the movie Miami Rhapsody, where the husband writes his own vows a la Dr. Seuss. But I digress.)

“We had amazing Martini’s (sic) ( thank you Krol Vodka) that we named after the couples favorite Broadway musicals.” (Try the Wicked martini—it’s better than Cats.)

“We danced to 80’s,70’s,house, and got a show stopping performance of “Caberet” from one of our grooms.” (After all, what good IS sitting alone in your room? Although at this point, I’m thinking “groom” is the wrong word.)

“Dean (THAT’S his name!) and I took Liam out onto the dance floor and he had his first dance in our arms. The three of us swayed and smiled to Madonna.“

“It was a magical evening of pure love.” The only things missing were collectible figurines and porn stars. But, hey, there’s always next time.