Thursday, July 19, 2007

“My Mother Drove Me to It!”

Get your math hats on, because some simple subtraction makes this one even more interesting. Eva Daley, a thirty-year old mother of a 14-year-old boy, drove her son and six of his friends (or “gang” as the kids call it these days) to a nearby park so that they could stab 13-year-old Jose Cano to death.

“Mom, can you take me and my homies to the park so we can kill Jose?”

“What? Do I look like your personal chauffeur? Damn, I’ll be glad when you’re old enough to drive yourself to your gang activities. Let me get my purse. But don’t you boys get any blood on my seats!”

“Thanks, Mom, you’re the greatest! Oh, one more thing. Would you mind dropping us off around the corner? It just doesn’t look as menacing and shit if we’re all piling out of a minivan. It doesn’t really say, “Be scared, motherfucker!”

“Language!! You better watch your mouth mister, or you won’t be killing anyone tonight! (sighs) You kids grow up so fast these days. Why when I was your age, I was only months away from getting pregnant with YOU! Life was so much simpler then”

Kind of makes me wish the makers of RU486 would create a morning after pill called RUAStupidMotherfucker? Their ad slogan would be, "Because some days you just can't wait for Darwinism."

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