Bobbitt One-Upped

I saw a report today on one of my favorite blogs that an Australian woman had set her husband’s penis on fire. (insert burning bush joke here) Apparently, she saw him hug another woman and immediately assumed an affair. Because . . . that’s what people do when they’re having an affair? Hug their girlfriends in front of their wives? Uh-huh.

So Mrs. Loster Marbles decides that she wants to “mark” her hubby’s piece as “her property.” Could you not have just pissed on it? Or maybe used a sharpie to write your name, like you do on kids’ clothes for camp?

But wait! Apparently, she doused his member in a flammable liquid, set it on fire while he was asleep. Naturally, the smell of burning hair and flesh (and maybe the pain) woke him up. In his frenzy put out the “fire down below” the fellow knocked over the flammable liquid, set the house on fire and caused over a million dollars worth of damage. And threatening the lives of their three children, who were sleeping at the time and barely made it out of the blaze.

Crazy people. When will they learn. Not that a burned stump of a dick isn’t a definite deterrent to future extramarital activity, but HEY CRAZY LADY, it’s also a deterrent to intra-marital relations. So NOW what are you going to do? Oh, that’s right, you’ll be taking a broomstick up the ass from some lovely lass in the Aussie penal system.

The man whose shrimp was put on the barbie has denied any extramarital infidelity. I can only assume he will honestly be able to say that from now on, as well.