Monday, December 8, 2008

What’s Older Than a Cougar?

So, I read today that a SEVENTY YEAR OLD woman in India has given birth to her first child. I’m assuming they don’t mean she’s planning more, but rather hadn’t managed, what with her busy schedule banging laundry on the rocks of the Ganges, to squeeze one out up until now. She is being heralded as the oldest birth mother ever. Uh . . . ya think?

Wow. I’m practically speechless. I guess my first question would be, “WHY?!?!?!” I mean, why would you want to have a child at that age. It’s not like there’s a population shortfall in the region. And surely to Pete you’d gotten used to that infernal ticking noise by now. Did she just get a wild hair late in life? Go bungee jumping. Eat meat. Peel the dot off your forehead.

Of course, maybe she had really sweet reasons. Maybe she just always wanted to leave something to live on after her. Or maybe she just needed somebody to fetch her Depends and denture cream. When you think about it, they’re probably going to be changing each other’s diapers. Another first!

And I don’t even want to think about breast-feeding. The only picture that comes to mind is that old lady cartoon from my dad’s Playboy magazines. Shudder.

On the other hand, having a little one around to care for might actually lengthen her life. And she probably won’t be alive to endure the dreaded teenage years. Hmmm. Maybe she’s on to something.

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