Monday, December 1, 2008

December is Dumb-Down Month

You know, it’s my own fault. I should never complain about radio “personalities” and their lack of basic knowledge and sense. I mean, there’s always NPR right? But it’s my own sickness, I guess. Listening to NPR makes me think of being driving in an old pickup truck on a winter’s day, with that nasty heater on full-blast, the air a stale mixture of tobacco smoke and what is probably a small leak in the fuel line. We’re driving through West Texas and that woman on the radio is DRONING. There’s no other word for how they talk on NPR. They drone. And for some reason, I immediately get a headache and fall asleep.

But that’s not my point. This morning I was listening to a radio show that apparently includes the dumbest young woman on the planet. They were talking about Rickrolling, and this lass was completely unaware of the concept, of Rick Astley, even of the song, “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Not such a huge loss, but the main talent began probing, asking about her musical knowledge. NADA. As they talked more, they began chiding her about never actually knowing anything they’re talking about on the show, and being blissfully happy in her ignorance.

“Do you know ANYTHING?” they asked.

“ I know how to say ‘hello’ in five languages,” she chirped. Three languages and a bunch of “Oh my God, I can’t believe I can’t remember” later, I officially declared her the dumbest person on the planet. The two languages she thought she knew were Portuguese and Hungarian. She managed English, Spanish and Korean. Although the English word for “hello” is apparently, “hi.” I know, same diff, but it cracked me up all the same. She claimed that the pressure was just too much when people asked her questions. “That’s why I didn’t do very good in school.”

No, honey, the reason you didn’t do very “good” in school is because you’re dumb as a pile of hair.

The icing? When she said that all the stuff they were talking about was “in the past” therefore making it irrelevant and not important to know. Apparently she couldn’t take Hungarian and History because they don’t allow you to repeat the alphabet.

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