Saturday, December 6, 2008

The Industrial Tween/Whore Complex

That shrieking sound you hear? Thousands of tween-age girls mourning the loss of Club Libby Lu. Saks announced this week that they are closing all 98 outlets.

WTF is Club Libby Lu, you ask? Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. I had no clue either. Apparently, it is a Hannah Montana-inspired (but not branded) store, where pre-pubescent girls go to play dress up. In tight pants, glittery tube tops, boas, wigs and fake tattoos. It’s supposed to make them look like pop stars and models.

So why do I keep conjuring up an image of Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby?

And what’s with that name? Club Libby Lu? Where the fuck did that come from? Maybe it was the name of the Marketing Director at Saks' first hooker. And he wanted to share that joy with all the aspiring little hookers in the world. (I wonder if they had fake street corner sets? Little boys could drive up on big wheels . . .)

Now, sadly, the little hooker wannabes will have to find somewhere else to air their dreams. Anyone smell a niche? Maybe we should all get together, pool our money and open a new chain called Work It Girl!

Until then, be extra gentle with the grieving tweens in your life. “Now Joe Jonas will never look at my nubbins,” they’re probably thinking.

Keep your chin up, young one. It’s small consolation, I know, but glitter looks so pretty mixed with tears.

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