His Lips Are Moving

I think we need to invent a new kind of zipper for male politicians. One that won’t release if the wearer is sporting wood. Because I for one am tired of politicians, from both sides of the aisle (although I do love it when the evil ones get their comeuppance), throwing their credibility away in the quest for nookie.

I’ve been watching with a mixture of glee and sadness as the John Edwards affair (the former Senator, not the psychic) has unfurled. Glee because, once again, a politician has put his, er, foot in, uh, his mouth. Or something like that.

Sadness because I believed he was a man of principle. And because his lovely wife had to deal with his bullshit on top of her own terminal cancer prognosis. Yep, he fucked around on his wife while she battled for her life. Guess that’s one way of coping. Sleazebag.

Mostly though, it’s just blatantly narcissistic. Which should come as no surprise if you look at how the man grooms himself. Practically metrosexual. Which, of course, begs the question, "Why do these guys always poke the ugly girls?" I mean, I would think they could pretty much poke and choose, but Edwards, like President Clinton before him, seems to have an affinity for the plain girls.

Edwards portrayed himself as a champion of the working class. So maybe hanging out in all those honky tonks listening to a bunch “done me wrong” songs is what pushed him over the edge. Maybe there’s something subliminal in those country recordings and if you play ‘em backwards they say, “hit on the skank with the overprocessed hair! Knock her up and get yerself a bastard child and some child support payments!” Or “her roots don’t look that dark in the dark, but the white blonde frames her face like an angel, don’t it?’

And speaking of child support, everyone who believes that the payments being made to Ms. Hunter by Senator Edwards good friend and former finance chair have been made without the Senator’s knowledge please send me $5.

I’ll hold my breath as I plan my shopping spree.