Wednesday, August 20, 2008

In Case We Didn’t Look Stupid Enough Already

My fabulous sister-in-law, La Proscrita del Norte, forwarded me an online article she’d found on the BBC news site. I had already heard the news, of course, that a West Texas school was going to allow teachers to carry concealed weapons. And while, I thought it a completely bone-headed thing, this IS Texas, after all, where most guns will have to be “pried from their cold, dead hands,” as the saying goes.

We even elected a woman to our Legislature once, simply because she’d been present at a massacre at Luby’s Cafeteria and campaigned on the fact that, if she had had a gun with her, all those innocent people wouldn’t have been killed. She was so sure of her aim that she was certain she could have taken the perp out with one shot. Ridiculous? Oh, yeah. But the electorate eat that shit UP around here.

I was all, like, BITCH, why didn’t you bum rush the motherfucker and take the bullet yourself, if you’re all brave and shit.

Okay, I’ll stop bobbing my head back and forth now.

So back to handguns in the hands of teachers. In Harrold, Texas (which is so small and insignificant that I’ve never even heard of it. Plus, it’s practically in Oklahoma), they are concerned with school shootings. And they feel like the best way to prevent this is to arm the faculty. The good news is, they only have ONE campus for all twelve grades (although most of the kids there probably take a good 14-15 years to graduate). Their rationale?

"When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started," said school superintendent David Thweatt (ne “Cracker”).

Yeah. That’s when. I hadn’t been able to pinpoint the exact moment, but now I see. Thank you smart superintendent. PS How many National Merit Scholars does Harrold ISD produce a year? None? Shocking!

And why does every fucking jackalope always blame it on the Feds. I love how people think our government is somehow “them” not “us.” You know, they sell mirrors at wal-mart.

But there’s nothing like reading a news story written for a foreign audience to give you new perspective on the veil of stupidity surrounding you. Guess it’s kind of like the smog in Beijing. After a few years, you don’t even really notice it. You just cough and spit and go on about your business.

The BBC makes absolutely NO editorial comment. But they leave the point out there stinking like a fresh turd in the Texas sun.

Of course, after foisting W onto an unsuspecting world, I’m not sure anyone expects anything better of us.

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