Thursday, September 13, 2007

Literal Attack of the Stupid People, Part Uno

Okay, first I have to go on record as saying that I am deeply opposed to interpersonal violence. With the exception of punching the odd bully, I’ve never seen fisticuffs solve anything.

But, for some reason, fighting is a badge of honor amongst the ignorati. Canned whoopass has long been a staple of the stupid man’s diet. And a couple of items in the news today only serve to reinforce my thesis.

Now, lest you think I’m talking about Kid Rock and Tommy Lee bitch-slapping each other over two midgets ‘rasslin’ in a bikini top, think again (I actually thought that was some funny shit. Good thing Tommy didn’t get his dick out, or Kid would have been facing more than assault charges).

No, I’m referring first to the two fellers in the Oklahoma bar, one of whom was wearing a University of Texas T-shirt, the other of whom was a rabid Sooners fan. Now, I must admit that I had pangs of “stupid motherfucker deserved it” for wearing such provocative attire. Seriously stupid move.

And this was Oklahoma after all, where the average IQ is generally lower than the temperature on any given day. But instead of simply saying stupid, sophomoric things to each other, the Okie tried to rip the nuts off of the Longhorn and nearly succeeded. Seriously. Left the guy bloodied and his boys hanging by a thread.

Chances are pretty good the Okie will be convicted, but I think the judge should get creative in the sentencing. I mean, come on, jail time isn’t going to impact this yokel. Anybody who would try to rip another man’s balls off over an argument about collegiate sports rivalries has probably already spent some time in the pokey.

Some suggestions:

Make HIM wear ONLY University of Texas apparel for the next 10 years.
Or, prohibit him from wearing ANY sports related clothing or attending any sporting event for 5 years.
Or, make him go back and finish the 4th grade.

Actually, they should just lock him up in jail in Texas. Half the folks in there are former Longhorn football players anyway. That would teach him a lesson.

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