Virgin Suicide?

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the high school boy who stripped down, coated himself in cooking oil, then streaked through the cafeteria of his school. The on-duty cop, failing to recognize the long-haired, bearded (and naked) student tazered him after the boy slipped through his grasp.

First of all, I think it’s sad that high school has become so dangerous that we have to have ON DUTY police in the cafeteria. I understand. But it’s sad. The most dangerous thing that happened in my high school was the bitch fight between Melanie The Cheerleader and Connie The Cheerleader, because one found out the other had been making out with her boyfriend, Greg The Quarterback.

But I digress.

So, apparently, the young man in question was a good student. No history of mental illness, drug use or sophomoric behavior (at least since his sophomore year). So what gives? What would make a young man want to run, oiled and naked, through the lunch line. Did someone double-dog dare him? Was it Barbie’s first acid-trip? Fishing for a prom date? Or was he just trying to show off his Wessonality?

(In the gay community, this kind of behavior is usually accompanied by Pink’s “Get This Party Started!”)

The CNN article talked at length about how “terrified” students huddled in the corner. The guy must not have been too bad looking, though. Apparently no one lost their lunch.

And don’t you know that this had to be a landmark day in the cop’s career. On one hand, he saw action on the lunch beat. On the other hand, it involved wrestling a greased high school senior to the ground and tazering him. Do they give merit badges for that?

The young man was placed in the local jail. And by now I’m sure he’s REALLY regretting oiling himself up ahead of time.