Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Teach Me Tonight

Growing up in East Texas, I got to witness a lot of inappropriate teacher-student relationships. The valedictorian two classes ahead of me ended up marrying the vice-principal. And the head cheerleader a year behind me ended up marrying my varsity basketball coach. That same coach also deflowered at least one other girl in my class, who then chose to give her ultimate gift to me. Fortunately for my budding gay self, she shared that tidbit in a fit of pre-coital, florid romance novel dialogue: “You’re not the first! Johhny was the first. (gasp)”

“Well, guess what? I won’t be the second either. But good luck with that rash.”

Well, times have changed, and maybe they still look the other way at these antics in East Texas, but not here in Austin. A 27-year old high school teacher has been charged with having improper sexual conduct with a 17-year old student.

Now, I don’t know about where you are, but in Texas it is illegal for a teacher to have sex with a student. Period. There’s no such thing as mutual consent. Now, if you can hold your horses until graduation night, you can make the map of France right there on your cap and gown. But not a moment before.

The great irony in this case is that the two just filed for a marriage license last Thursday (hmmm, maybe that was the tipoff.) and the greater irony is that, in Texas, you have to have parental consent to get married if you’re under 18. So teacher, starry-eyed student and (apparently brain-dead) mama headed off the courthouse.

There is a question on the application that asks the reason for the marriage. The mother wrote, “for Love.” Awwwww. That’s so sweet. Blech

Did I mention that their first date was in early March? And that other than their first date (dinner) all subsequent dates consisted of going to HIS apartment for sex? Sounds like “love” to me.

I’m afraid Lolita’s heart is heading for a breakin’ though. Mr. Man is facing a 20 year prison sentence if convicted. I’m thinking a couple of months of renting Barely Legal videos might have been a better option.

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