Thursday, April 3, 2008

Coming Soon!

According to a new study released today, the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse is 3 to 13 minutes. That doesn’t include foreplay or the post-coital cigarette and whore’s bath. But then, if you’re only going to bang away for three minutes, why bother with foreplay. You’ve obviously got somewhere else to be.

The median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. And just in case you were wondering, as I was, how they got such precise measurements—the women were equipped with stopwatches.

Now THAT’S sexy!

“Wait . . . no . .. don’t stick it in yet. WAIT! Shit, I pushed the wrong button. Pull out. PULL OUT! This doesn’t count. Damn it. How many seconds were you in there? Should we add that on? Damn it. Okay, I’ve got it. Ready? On your mark . . . NO, I know your name is not Mark. It’s a saying. Okay? On three . . . one . . . two—NO, go after three, not ON three. Ready? Wait, where are you going?”

Apparently, we live in a world where we each get 15 minutes of fame, but only half that much in nookie at a time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Sexual Revolution is officially over.

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