Apparently, the “blue light special” is now the “black eye special.” As a promotion (and part of the widespread conspiracy by Republicans to bankrupt the average American through credit card debt . . . okay I made that part up) the Kmart in Wauwatosa, WI offered a $10 gift card to anyone opening a new Kmart credit card.
And since $10 is the average weekly wage for most Kmart shoppers, you can imagine how popular this promotion was. Especially when it was discovered that EVERYONE was being approved. That’s right. EVERYONE. Credit-worthy or not. Seems a little computer glitch caught the spirit of the season and thought, “what the hell, let’s give EVERYONE $4000 worth of credit.”
Word spread like wildfire about the “free money.” (At least we know those prepaid cell phones work.)
It was so popular that they ran out of credit applications. Then all hell broke loose. Two women jumped another woman to try and wrestle her application away. Others joined in the melee, never once thinking to curb their primal lemming-like urges. (‘Cause ya know, when stupid people aren’t drinking or screwing, they’re fighting. Or wondering why “matt” has two t’s and “cat” has only one.)
One enterprising Wauwatosa wesident (sorry, couldn’t resist) drove to ANOTHER Kmart, grabbed a stack of credit applications and came back, selling them for $20 apiece in the parking lot. Brain cells unite!
In the end it looked like an action movie, with one employee suffering a broken nose and numerous cuts after being thrown into a glass display case.
Once the police cleared things up, Kmart posted a sign saying they were not processing credit applications “at this time.”
They probably should have written it phonetically.
Ed. Note: I’ve actually been to Wauwatosa, WI. But I didn’t go to the Kmart.