White Trash and Wigs

Contrary to what most children’s books would suggest, rhyming apparently isn’t a necessary skill for good parenting. Just ask Kevin Federline.

Good Gawd, people! Who would have honestly thought that K-Fed would turn out to be the responsible party between those two?!!?? Poor Little Brit Brit and her shaved vazheen, wandering in and out of rehab with half a credit card number scribbled on a scrap of paper. That’s practically HOMELESS in Hollywood.

But I have to give the Toxic Girl this—in a town that is completely jaded to the crazies (anyone see the Sharon Stone “naughty germans” tirade), she has set the bar at a new high (or is that low? I can’t tell if we’re jumping or limbo-ing). But I digress.

Everyone is totally wigged that Britney shaved her head. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? After all the attention she got for shaving her naughty bits? It was the logical next step. Just wait. In a week or so, she’ll slide out of some sports car, exposing a cheap blonde wig on the punani and setting off an international fashion craze.

Zsa Zsa did it. Or was it Eva? Let’s see, one is married to an old prince and the other was with an old queen (Merv, you know it’s true!). So, using my pnemonic skills, beard=fake hair=wig—IT WAS EVA!

Anyhoo, I think this is all just a marketing ploy for Britney’s new white trash wig line, Cheap Hair for Down There. Lindsay will certainly jump on that bandwagon. Paris will probably complain that it’s “too hot.”

Meanwhile, let Kevin have the kids. He could hone his rhyming skills to Seussian levels. Between his multiple kids and their pals, he might even develop a following. He could be the next Rafi.

And by the way, wouldn’t it be HYSTERICALLY funny if Zsa Zsa’s husband really was Anna Nic’s baby daddy? Princess Dannielynn. Has a nice ring to it. Like JonBenet.