I know this is old territory, but doesn't John Boehner have someone to tell him to shut off the mystic tan? Does he not have an iPhone? You can set all kinds of alerts that will prevent you from overdoing it.
Of course, Speaker Boehner obviously has a problem. Tanorexia, while generally the province of bored, underachieving, purge-prone starlets and sorority girls, is a serious issue. And I think Speaker Boehner would make an excellent national spokesperson. If only he could use his bully pulpit for good and not evil. I mean, the motherfucker can cry ON CUE. Can you imagine how powerful his PSA's would be for the cause? Dude, you don't even have to pick a color for the cause-it's already written on your face.
But apparently, he doesn't recognize that he has a problem.
Who knows, maybe he wanted to be a carrot when he grew up. Either that, or there's an Oompah Loompah in the woodpile.