Why Do Blonde Jokes Write Themselves, Part XXX

I SWEAR this will not turn into the Carrie Prejean blog, but I just finished watching a clip of her on Larry King last night and it was too rich to resist. The clip I saw had Larry asking why she had chosen to settle her lawsuit. Her response was that all discussions held in mediation were covered by a confidentiality agreement and she couldn’t discuss.

Larry probed—gently—and she accused him of being “inappropriate.”

That’s right. She can pose topless and make a sex tape, all while representing California as a beacon of beauty and purity. All while espousing her conservative Christian values. And trying to keep my ass off the gift registry. Talk about inappropriate!

Oh, I wanted Larry to go off on her. But she decided to pull a diva move and, after calling Larry inappropriate several more times, took off her mike. And sat there.

WTF? Hey Rocket Scientist, if you’re gonna pull the stunt, you’re supposed to leave the set, not just sit there being petulant. God, you don’t even know how to exit stage left? They even do that in pageants.

And come on, honey! Give us a break with the whole “confidentiality” thing. The whole world knows that while you were trying to bust the Miss California USA pageant’s balls, they whipped out a little clip of you apparently trying to teach your vagina sign language.

And given your steel-trap of a mind, I’m surprised you didn’t think to use that as a defense.

“Larry, not many people know, but I have a deaf vagina. It’s a very misunderstood condition. This video was actually part of a PSA shoot. I hope that by making the PSA public, I can shed some light on this very serious problem and help scores of women who are my fellow sufferers. Teaching my vagina sign-language is just one hands-on approach to ending the shame, and hopefully bringing more deaf vaginas into the light. Trust me Larry, tonight MILLIONS of women all across the world are trying to teach THEIR vaginas sign language. And I would like to think that I had a hand in that.”

Oh, Christian Barbie! Thank you for being the poster child for uninformed right wing bimbos all across our great land. I know a certain Miss Teen North Carolina who is thrilled that she’s off the hook.