For the last several days I’ve had this annoying cough. Last night I OD’d on Nyquil and today I feel like my head’s still swimming in the stuff. And since it’s kind of a nasty, rainy day, I’ve been pretty much parked on the couch with the TV on.
Sunday morning TV is pretty much the province of pitchmen. Most are selling Jesus, but some are selling even less useful crap. I barely even looked up when the Snuggie commercial came on, until I heard the whoreish looking model say, “I love my Snuggie, but when are you going to make a more stylish version for people like me?”
Before I could say, “You mean ‘whores?’” the voiceover informed me that “the wait is over.” And there before me magically appeared the two new patterns of Snuggie: leopard and zebra. So yes, I guess they did mean whores.
I laughed so hard I started coughing again. Are you fucking kidding me? What was THAT product development conversation like at Snuggie HQ?
“Well, we’ve been successful beyond all expectation with our line of cheap fleece blankets with arm holes. But so far we’ve limited ourselves to a fairly bland color palate.”
“But isn’t there ANY way to make this fucking thing uglier than it already is?”
“You know, there was this exotic lady in the trailer park where I grew up who always wore leopard or zebra print jumpsuits to get the mail. She chain smoked kool lights and she’d flick her ashes in an empty PBR can.”
Great idea, Snuggie brain trust. Now, may I recommend a product extension? We’ll call it the Wedgie . . .