"Special" Delivery

So last week I saw an article about how the post office is facing huge losses and essentially bankruptcy. Oh, hang on, let me grab a hankie. WAAAAAH fuckin’ WAAAAH!

My tragicomedy of errors with the P.O. is well documented. Sure, I wave and smile at the mail carrier like we’re characters in a Norman Rockwell painting. But really, who am I kidding. Aside from not being able to get my 215 magazine subscriptions delivered to my door, they don’t bring me anything but junk and bills. Would I really be that upset if they just went away? Or if we all had to get P.O. boxes and eliminate the route carriers?

One option they really are considering is to only get mail every other day. You know, fine by me. In fact, there are times when I DO only get mail every other day. I can manage. If it’s urgent, I’ll use FedEx anyway.

Now, to provide just a hair of balance, I also noted that under the Federal guidelines, the Post Office is supposed to make a profit and reinvest those profits into better services. But they can only raise postage rates to keep up with inflation, not to counter demand, or lack thereof.

So, our wonderful Feds decided to semi-privatize the whole shebang, but didn’t provide them with enough tools or room for success.

But maybe the solution would be to hire better workers and pay them commensurate to the work they’re doing. Oh, and maybe incentivize them. You see, according to the article the “average” postal worker makes over $60,000 a year. Now granted, they’re all below average, so who knows how much they really make. But get this—their raises are GUARANTEED. No evaluations, nothing. Just show up, clock in, clock out and you’ll get an increase come raise time.

No fucking wonder their service sucks hind teat. I’m not sure I would be motivated to provide any customer service either. Aww, who am I kidding, I’d probably be like the Kenneth the Page with jazz hands, turning it into Surly Post Office: The Musical.