So this morning I heard the news of a young Texas man who, in the process of trying to impress his friends with how long he could hold his breath, drowned off the coast of Corpus Christi.
Apparently he couldn’t hold his breath for as long as he thought he could. And I don’t know if his name was Christi, but he’s certainly a corpus now.
Details of the “accident” (That doesn’t seem like the right word. “oops, I drowned. Didn’t mean to do that.” But I don’t know, what the fuck else are you going to call it? ) are sketchy. Several details, however jumped out at me.
1. It was dark.
Um. . . hey dumbfuck, you’re in the OCEAN at night. Have you not ever watched a scary movie in your life. Don’t go in the ocean at night. Hell, I won’t even go in a pool at night unless I’ve turned the light on and off real quick to check for monster . . . . and if there’s a Daniel Craig look-a-like waiting naked at the other end.
2. His girlfriend (who was present) told the first responders she was a lifeguard.
Um . . . hey dumbfuck’s girlfriend (also known as Dumbfuck) I wouldn’t exactly be bragging about your mad lifeguarding skills while talking with the authorities about witnessing your boyfriend’s drowning death. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. But maybe you only completed the daytime course.
And by the way, at EXACTLY what pool do you lifeguard? Just wondering.