Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Does The "Beep" Mean I've Won Something?

Airport Security.

I’ve come to believe that they’re not there to protect us from terrorists as much as they’re there to protect us from stupid travelers. God bless ‘em. It’s an impossible task.

Now, anyone who has eyes or ears that work knows that airport security is an aggressively heightened state. The agents don’t cotton to veiled threats, or pieces of metal in your bags. But it’s a pretty straightforward experience. Or so one would think.

Obviously, heading overseas, we went through a number of security screenings. Now, it must be said that I’m one of those people who actually arrives at the airport 2 hours early. I find that, not only does it keep me from getting stressed out, it provides me great comic relief and fodder for this blog. All in all, not a bad deal. So let’s dive right in, shall we?

To the young, obviously affluent father with a child in a stroller and an anger management problem: Don’t say nasty things to the TSA agents. They have WAY more power than you. And they don’t care who your daddy is. But hearing you whimper, “We’re just trying to make our flight,” was worth the price of a plane ticket.

Or the barely twentysomething boy in the sideways baseball cap who couldn’t figure out which gate he was looking for and referred to the TSA agents as “those assholes” (out of earshot) for searching him for “no reason.” I’m thinking maybe the fact that you were TWEAKING your ass off and had about nineteen visible piercings might have played into it. Try not to blink so often next time.

Or the wannabe alt-rock young man, lost in his own thoughts, who couldn’t quite grasp the concept of putting your belt, shoes and any metal through xray, but actually carrying your boarding pass. It literally took him three tries to get it right.


“Boarding Pass?”

“Uh . . .”


Even the jaded TSA folk were rolling their eyes on that one.

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