Master Class

This is the kind of story we expect to come out of a red state, but TACOMA??!? Yesterday, Rosie Costello, a 46 year old mother of two was sentenced to 3 years in prison. Her crime? Are you ready for this? Coaching her children to fake being mentally retarded so that she could draw disability benefits from the government.

I wonder if Carlos Mencia was one of her children?

Her son, Pete, 28, gave up the game when he tried to contest a traffic ticket. Apparently he forgot to drool. See, Mom had convinced federal and state officials that her kids were so severely retarded that they couldn’t perform simple tasks. And we all know that contesting a traffic ticket is harder than math. Or at least a lot harder than fooling federal and state officials. Her daughter, Marie, has not been found. Maybe they should check a milk carton.

The real kicker is that she only received a little less than $300,000 over the years. Now that may sound like a lot in a chunk, but amortize that over 15 years and it’s hardly worth it. If her kids were that convincing, she should have moved to LA and sold them into . . . I mean, LAUNCHED their acting careers. They give Oscars for that shit.

The Judge called her actions “despicable” and actually gave her a longer sentence than federal guidelines suggested. I guess the FEDERAL Judge was feeling a little “Fool me once . . .” yesterday.

Costello, of course, played contrite. "I'm sorry for what I did," Costello told the court. "I had a very hard life. I have grandchildren out there who need me."

Need you for what? Learning how to slouch in an electric wheelchair and shout “TIMMY!” every time someone approaches them? Not necessary. You’ve already made the entire family look retarded.