J’Elle Décor

Paris Hilton announced today that she has narrowed her search for a jail cell decorator to two finalists. “It’s been really tough to narrow the field. There are so many people who want to work with me on this. 45 days is, like, a month. It’s practically like I’m MOVING there.”

Kenneth Brown, host of HGTV’s reDESIGN is one of the finalists. Known for his spare aesthetic and contemporary flair, Brown seems a logical choice for the job.

“This is a time for reflection for Paris, so we wanted to really play off the minimal aspects of the cell,” said Brown. We’ll use tatami mats for floor covering, which can double as yoga mats. And I’m thinking one little pop of color—maybe a large lounge pillow. Or an Asian symbol painted on one wall.”

Brown proffered that, “Small spaces call for creative solutions, like using the toilet as a water feature, so we bring a little bit more of the outside in.”

The other finalist is Marc Jacobs, the fashion designer. “Marc’s not exactly an interior designer,” said Hilton, “But I see him and his hustler boyfriend all the time out at the clubs, and they’re HOT, so it just felt right.”

“Paris really wanted me to cover the whole space in Louis Vuitton. But I went in a different direction,” said Jacobs. ‘I was, like, Paris where is the smallest space you can imagine having fun?’ She was like, ‘Nicole Richie’s ass!’ And I was like, ‘No, seriously,’ and she was like, ‘a bathroom stall? The backseat of a car?’ And I was, like, “Morocco!” She got it right away.”

So, it’s going to be this desert tent, with all these wild colors and pillows and a hookah, just for kicks. EVERYONE smokes cigarettes in there, so this just takes it to a whole new level.”

Jacobs continued, “To be cheeky, we’re going to put a miniature velvet rope just inside the cell door. It creates an air of exclusivity, but in a fun, playful way. I mean, think about it. THIS is going to be the VIP room of this joint.”

Hilton loved the idea. “That’s HOT!”