Don't Tell Anyone I Told You

Yesterday, our dear Presi-dunce declassified intelligence from 2005 which purports to show that bin Laden was planning on using Irag as a base for future attacks on the U.S. Why, because of the geographic proximity? Iraq is sooooo much closer than Paki—I mean, AFGHANIstan.

When I first read this, I thought, “C’mon dumbass. Enough with the bullshit scare tactics you use to rationalize your war!” Silly me. He didn’t want the info declassified to scare us.

W wanted the info declassified so he could use it in a commencement speech.

WHA!?!?!? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You couldn’t think of anything else inspiring to tell the Coast Guard cadets? Nothing like those National Security priorities, eh?

I immediately thought of Valerie Plame and how fast and loose this administration plays with our national security and intelligence.

Then it hit me. Maybe they don’t understand the concept of intelligence.

Granted, Bushie is going to use the info in the speech to bolster his “Boo!” factor with the al Qaeda bogeyman. He’s like some carny huckster, using slight of hand and distraction to keep the American people from knowing just how bad it is. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

BTW, how are things in North Korea? Haven’t heard from that front in a while. That Kim Jong Il must have settled right down. And that Three-Buck-Plus gas? Hey, he better make some of his friends some money, or he’ll never raise enough to build his Li-bary.

Mostly, though, I’m just tired of our country being run by such a bunch of blinder-wearing jackasses, stubbornly pursuing a path with little or no regard for truth or consequences. But back to our intel.

I have to admit, that I generally don’t find humor in declassified documents (now used as a sleep aid—highly effective!). But this one held a gem: Abu Faraj al-Libbi, the operative who was supposed to form a terror cell in Iraq, is referred to as a "senior al Qaeda manager." OMG, that absolutely slays me. I can just see the HR bureaucracy of Al Qaeda now: “We think you’re ready for a stretch assignment. You’ve been a senior manager for 3 years now. We’re thinking an expat assignment in Iraq, where you’d be responsible for opening our new call center.”

Given that there’s no evidence any of this plot ever transpired, I wouldn’t be betting on that promotion any time soon, Abu.