Sundays in the Parking Lot

Yesterday, while making my pilgrimage to my favorite grocery store, I happened across an amazing scene. The parking lot was jammed, but I’ve learned over the years that the turnover is rapid, so you usually don’t have to drive around long. I also thought it would be a great opportunity to teach the young ‘un about the joys of parking far from the door. You know, good exercise, it’s actually faster than waiting to pounce, etc.

As I pulled into my space at the far end of the lane, I noticed a woman in a gigantic white SUV much closer to the store. She was merrily chatting away on her cell phone, pedestrians leaping from her path as she doggedly pursued some good, up-close parking. When she saw a woman heading for a close-in car, she began what I call stalker parking. You know, where you follow someone to their car, staying just far enough behind them that they don’t know you’re there, but close enough to ward off any potential parking spot suitors.

The aisles of this parking lot are big enough for two vehicles to pass easily. But Missy Big White SUV decided to straddle the middle, effectively blocking traffic from both directions. But the woman “leaving” wasn’t. Or else she didn’t like being stalked. So she got in her car and waited, I’m assuming for someone else to finish shopping. She didn’t turn the car on and she didn’t indicate in ANY way that she was going to leave, other than getting in her car.

Meanwhile, I have parked and walked all the way to the front of the store, but am so absorbed in the unfolding drama that I stop to watch. How long will Missy Big White SUV wait before she realizes that people are parking ALL AROUND HER? But no, she has to have THAT space. It’s apparently a matter of Big White SUV principal.

So she honks.

I was stunned. Such rudeness. Such entitlement. Such Drama.

I wanted to put on my Krystle Carrington wig and go open her car door and bitch slap her. (I would have chosen the Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Wig, but my budding nemesis had raven hair. Contrast is critical in conflict.) We could have rolled around the parking lot, making a spectacle of ourselves, climaxing with a very spent looking Missy crumpled in a shopping cart against a tree.

I love Sunday daydreaming.

Anyhoo, Missy finally realized the futility of the situation and squealed off to find another spot, no doubt huffing exasperatedly into her mobile. SHA! OMG! SHA!

Maybe she was so frustrated that she will vow never to return, to only shop at her neighborhood store.

One can only hope.