Organic Stupidity

With family in from out of town, we had to go show off the Whole Foods flagship.

As I was pulling into parking garage, I saw that traffic was CHAOTIC. I approached the first of several four-way stops knowing that I might not move through on the regular rotation. Traffic was so heavy that for me to move across the intersection would probably mean I’d block the box, which I am anathema to do.

But I wasn’t alone at that four-way stop. No. I was joined by the passive-aggressive lady in the Honda Civic. Let me break it down for you. Unless I’m mistaken, four-way stops are the grown up version of the kindergarten principle of taking turns. REALLY. NOT. COMPLICATED.

Yet, every time I’m confronted with one, people seem to freak out and not know whether they should go or not. Profoundly irritating.

So, bizzotch in her Civic VIGOROUSLY motions me to go ahead. Now, it was technically her turn. And I really had nowhere to go, since traffic ahead of me was pretty much at a standstill. But mama was VIGOROUS. If her follow-through had been any more pronounced, she would have slapped herself.

So, against my better judgment, I went. And sure as shit, I was hanging out into the intersection. So I attempted to mitigate it by edging to the right, creating a bit more room in the throughway.

And then she honked. AT ME. Fucking cow! OH NO! YOU. DID. NOT. JUST. HONK. AT. ME!!!

I mean, HONESTLY. Why the fuck would you wave someone through, then honk at them? Not surprisingly, my maneuver had left her PLENTY of room to get through, but she had to swerve. Guess mama don’t like to swerve.

Proceeding on into the garage, I found my way blocked by a driver who is attempting to go the wrong way up a lane, in order to get a parking space that’s facing the other way. My turn to honk.

But the joy of the season returned moments later. Parked and walking to the entrance, I see the same driver STILL trying to execute a turn into that space. La la. Hee hee. Ho Ho Ho.

The store is pretty crowded, and there are tons of special displays. Including a gigantic wine display near the cheese. VERY nearby, one of Miss Teen South Carolina's lesser cousins (I believe that Children are our future) has cavalierly tied her heavy coat around her waist creating far more need for navigable ass room than she’s used to.

You know where this is going, right? Thought so.

Her “new ass” knocks not one, but two bottles of wine off the display, sending them crashing to the floor. And when she turns to survey the carnage, she knocks off two more in the other direction. If this girl is majoring in Cluelessness, she'll be Summa Cum Laude, fer sure.

We manage to escape the shrapnel and get the hell out of Dodge. But by this time, I can't help thinking how much I could have used some of that wine about now.