You've Got Mail! . . . er . . . You HAD Mail . . . um. . . LOOK! A TERRORIST!

I’m not usually one to gloat, but I can’t help it. After years of digging for wrongdoing in the Clinton Administration, the Republicans are turning out to be the evildoers afterall. Hee-Hee-Hee!

According to every news outlet that publishes, E-mail records are missing for 51 of the 88 White House aides with Republican Party accounts. 88 people on the White House staff are doing political work? Is that a lot? Sure seems like it? Wish that many people had weighed in on Iraq strategy.

According to the White House, these accounts were set up to avoid the appearance of impropriety, keeping political work separate from “official” business. Well, so much for that theory. Investigators claim the accounts were used to circumvent the Presidential Records Act, put in place after another Republican Dick tarnished the White House like no one before or since (although history may give this Bush the nod).

The craziest thing about the story though is that of the 675,000 (seriously!) individual emails from the White House, 144,000 (no, seriously!!!!) were from KARL ROVE! SHUT the fuck up! People, that’s insane. That’s 2000 emails a MONTH from the evildwarfwhiterapper. 2000 friggin’ emails a month! If someone sent me 2000 emails a month, I’d have a restraining order against them.

So when, exactly, was Mr. Rove doing the business of the country? Or does he just work that Blackberry like Mr. Miyagi works chopsticks? ‘Cuz ya know there ain’t no "LOL" or "OMG" in Mr. Rove’s emails. I’m thinking more along the lines of "War and Peace (The Blackberry Chronicles)."

Of course, all of the “spokespeople,” or “muppets” as I like to call them (you KNOW Rove’s got one hand up their asses, controlling every word—I guess we know what the other hand is doing now--emailing!) came scurrying out to decry the “partisan” report.

GOP spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt: “(the report) jumped the gun and appears to be representing Democrats' partisan spin as fact."

"Not only have we been clear that we are continuing our efforts to search for e-mails (did you look in Laura’s bedroom? I hear it’s not being used much), but there is no basis for an assumption that any e-mail not already found would be of an official nature."

White House spokesman Tony Snow: "We have seen a number of times right now where people have been putting together investigations to see what sticks." Mostly people who took a master class from Ken Starr, maybe?

RNC lawyer Eric Kuwana: “ (the documents) are from a limited period of time years ago, have no articulated connection to the investigations of the committee, and very well may be the type and nature of political documents that are specifically exempt from the Presidential Records Act."

Hmmm. “may very well be . . .?” I say “may very well be NOT.”

Wonder how long it will take them to scare up a terror alert?

What? Fresh video this morning of a suicide bomber "graduation day?"

You're good, Rove. You're Evil. But you're good.